Having a crush can be really exciting; especially if it’s more than meaningless infatuation and actually forms into something worthwhile. I really believe crushes are a light-hearted tool that God uses us to teach us important lessons and shape our ideas of what we want in a some-day spouse.
But what happens when a crush doesn’t lead to something deeper? What happens when a guy you really liked doesn’t like you back? Maybe you can think of a relationship right now that didn’t go the way you hoped. You feel rejected because he wasn’t interested in you. And that hurts. Friend, I know it hurts. But how do you deal with those sad feelings? What are some good things to do when a potential relationship doesn’t work out?
I’m certainly no relationship expert, but I want to share some things that have helped me grow through experiences like this. Let’s jump in. 🙂
- Pray, pray, pray!
I seriously can’t emphasize this enough. Praying may be the last thing you feel like doing when you feel heartbroken–and that’s exactly why you need to do it.
Friend, Jesus cares and He wants you to commit your loneliness and desires to Him. Even in small situations like this, He cares. Ask Him to empty you of any thoughts or feelings that make you feel empty, and ask Him to fill your longings. He’ll do it. I guarantee it.
And you know what? Even if that crush had worked out, it wouldn’t satisfy you. I. Promise.
Until we learn to be completely satisfied in Jesus, nothing else will fulfill us.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4, ESV).
–> You can even pray for your crush and ask God to strengthen him spiritually. Ask Him to bless him as he goes his separate way. As funny as that sounds, this has seriously does wonders for me. When we start putting God at the center of every little thing–even your crushes–rest and contentment come easily.
- Dig into Scripture
God’s Word is the greatest source of comfort and it’s overflowing with wisdom! Instead of obsessing over the guy and wallowing in discouragement, open your Bible and cling to the words of comfort your Father has written for you. Learn about your Jesus, who loves you so much this world doesn’t even contain the words to describe it. He IS sufficient, sweet friend. And the truth of His Word will satisfy you.
This may hurt at first–it may be the last thing you want to do (I know it’s hard for me)–but it works. Fill up on Scripture, and you’ll be able to stomp out the doubts, sadness, and anxieties of your heart. ❤
P.S. I created a list of Scripture passages that help me focus on the Lord and rest in His promises. These passages are my go-to’s when I’m lonely or just need to fix my heart on Him. Click here to download the list! 🙂
- Ask yourself how you can learn from the experience.
Your crush doesn’t have to be a frivolous waste! About a year ago, a relationship with a guy in my life didn’t turn how I’d hoped, and I was tempted to feel really discouraged. I had liked him for a long time, but he had stopped crushing long before I had. That was frustrating and saddening for me…until I stepped back and realized how much I had to be thankful for.
Because I learned so much from having that crush!
Even if it’s hard at first, try to use the experience and the qualities you admired in the guy to shape your desires for a future relationship. If something went wrong, evaluate that problem to see how it could be avoided in the future. Think about the things he (the guy) taught you (good and bad) and also ask God to show you how you can improve yourself emotionally and spiritually.
We can learn from just about anything, if we choose to.
When I was able to evaluate my crush-gone-wrong, I realized that God had protected me from an immature relationship with someone who wouldn’t have been very good for me. I realized little things I should have handled differently, and even caught some red flags in the guy that I hadn’t noticed before.
I’m truly thankful that God didn’t allow us to be in a relationship, but I’m also glad for the things He taught me through that crush! Now I have a better idea of what kind of guy I would like to date (or not date), and I’m able to navigate other friendships/crushes with guys more easily. Does that make sense?
- Choose to trust
Trust that God is working everything together for your good, and years down the road, today won’t be a big deal anymore. God will bring something far better than you ever planned, because His thoughts are so much higher and so much sweeter than ours. He loves you, and He’s not going to fail you! ❤
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts “Isaiah 55:8-9, ESV)
- Keep pursuing him
If it was meant to work out, it would have. I know that seems blunt, but it’s true. Maybe this relationship will work out later on…maybe it won’t. Either way, that’s okay! We have a loving Father that carefully orchestrates every detail of our lives–including our relationships. Instead of trying to make things work, rest in God’s sovereignty.
If he’s the right guy, you won’t have to chase him. Instead of pursuing him, pursue Christ!
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9, HCSB).
–> This book by Kyle and Kelsey Kupecky has been so helpful to me when it comes to do’s and don’ts of relationships. Highly recommend. 🙂
- Fill your head with romance movies or love songs.
I’m not saying those things are always bad–they’re fun and enjoyable most of the time! But my word, they’re miserable to have around when you’re getting over a crush. Avoid things that will feed an infatuation you can’t do anything about. They’ll only deepen your longing for a relationship, and that won’t help you move forward.
We need to step back and focus on Jesus alone.
We need as much Jesus as we can get.
- Your feelings
You may feel silly about your crush or even annoyed with yourself for feeling broken-hearted over it. But y’know what? Crushes are normal. Wanting to be married is normal. Feeling rejected when things don’t work out is normal. It’s okay to feel disappointed when things don’t go as you hoped!
Whatever mess of emotions you’re working through–don’t shove them down and try to move forward on your own. Be honest with yourself. Get your feelings down on paper, confide in a friend or mentor, and especially be honest with your feelings before God. The sooner you can get everything out, the sooner you can move on.
- Writing to Your Future Husband
This isn’t for everybody, but it is something I’ve found helpful over the past few years. If you really want to channel those romantic feelings and desires, writing to your future husband is a productive way to do it!
When I’m discouraged or over-the-moon distracted by a guy, writing to my future husband helps me work through my feelings. By doing this, I’m putting those desires towards something more certain, and I’m able to re-align my focus.
Chances are, you will be married someday, and you just haven’t met your husband yet. God is working in both of you right now, and that’s so exciting to think about! Use this journal to work through little discouraging moments and help you look forward to the future.
That’s all I have!
Most of these tips aren’t fool-proof, but I hope you find some that help you. ❤ Above all, I hope you’ll focus on pursuing Jesus. Use your days to serve Christ and watch Him work in extraordinary ways. I promise you won’t regret it.
Don’t waste your singleness, friend.