I’m excited for you to read today’s post because my sweet sisters-in-law helped me put it together. Their perspective as married women was so helpful, and I hope you’ll reap something special from this post! I did the writing, but they were the brains behind a lot of these points. 😉
I’ve been wanting to address these things for a while, but I never got around to it until now—Mostly because I felt no one would accept what I was saying. And, honestly, when I was first given some of this advice, I got pretty feisty. But I’ve come to embrace these truths, and wow–I wish I’d done that sooner. So, while these tips may be uncomfortable to read, I hope you’ll hear me out.
Let’s jump in…
Tip: Re-evaluate “the list”
We all know “the list”– those qualities you scribbled down on notebook paper under the words “Mr. Right” (or something to that effect 😉 ). And, while it’s important to know basic characteristics we want in a husband, we can’t let the list consume us. Here are a few reasons why…
- When we get too focused the “Mr. Right” list, we end up setting impossible (and unfair) standards for the one we want to marry. And, chances are, that detailed list will make it close to impossible to get a husband.
- When we create a checklist for our future husbands to match, it’s easy to look at every guy as a potential spouse and measure him against the list–as if we’re taking inventory. Sweet friend, your future husband is not a checklist, and no guy should have to be evaluated against your idea of a perfect man. Enjoy the company of other guys without worrying about whether or not he matches a list. If one of the guys you befriend or date is the one, God will make it clear–not any list. 🙂
- It’s easy to let the list become self-centered. You know–physical qualities, talents, or personality traits you want, and have made a priority, when they’re really not important? If you have a list, make sure carnal qualities are at the bottom…or not present at all.
Ditch the mile-long list and re-establish what truly matters. Our goal should be to date–and eventually marry–A Christ-follower. A man committed to growing in the Lord, and who loves Him with all His heart. This is all we truly need. When his heart (and yours!) is in the right place, everything else will work together perfectly.
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2, ESV).
Reminder: You’re not perfect, and your future husband won’t be either
Lately, as I’ve scrolled through my Pinterest feed and read blog posts on preparing for marriage, I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern–the idea that every Christian girl is a lovely princess who deserves nothing less than the best prince who ever walked the earth. We’re subtly being told that we’re perfect, and the guy we marry must meet up to our standards.
Friend, the bare truth is that none of us are worthy of any good thing. Everything we have has been given to us by a gracious Father…And the same goes for the men we marry. None of us deserve a godly man, but, if God chooses to bless each of us with one, it would be out of Sovereignty alone. Not because we deserve it.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17, ESV).
It’s easy to get carried away in this “perfection” mindset and expect young men to have the maturity of grown, experienced Christian men…when, truly, we would never dream of setting such a high bar for ourselves.
Please don’t get me wrong: We need to wait for a Christ-loving man and it’s okay to have high hopes for our future husbands–As long as we set equally high standards for ourselves. Remember that he’s growing, and he’ll continue to grow, just like you.
What standards have you set for your future husband? Have you gotten caught in the “princess” mindset? I know I’ve done it before. Let’s take a step back and ask ourselves some questions…
- “Am I looking for “flawless” or am I looking for “growing”?”
- “Do I need to readjust my expectations?”
- “Am I growing?”
“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18, ESV).
Reminder: Life doesn’t begin with marriage
Friend, singleness isn’t a waste. It’s not a season of hunting for a spouse so life can begin. Singleness a delicate, special gift from God, given to us to serve Him. You don’t have to be married to have a full and happy life. Abundant life comes when we pursue God, and marriage is just one of those blessings He gives many of us along the way. I love the advice Paul gives in 1 Corinthians 7:27, and while it’s directed toward men, we can definitely apply it here!
“Are you pledged to a woman [man]? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife [husband]” (1 Corinthians 7:27, NIV).
Embrace this season of opportunities to serve God. He created singleness for a purpose. Don’t waste it by longing for the future.
The last point is the sweetest, most important advice I could offer you…
Tip: Focus on your relationship with Christ
Single or not, your relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in the world. If you’re not running hard after Him now, it’ll be twice as hard to pursue Him when you have a guy in your life. Getting married won’t automatically make everything fall into place. It won’t complete you, and you won’t suddenly become a better person–A more godly woman. We have to prioritize our relationship with Jesus until our hearts beat the same rhythm as His. Until He is our One and only Love. When He is the center of our lives, everything else will work in perfect order.
Sweet friend, if you’re not content without a boyfriend or husband, chances are you won’t be content with one. Being close to Jesus is the key to contentment, and when we learn to be completely satisfied in Him, we’ll be able to enjoy life in any season—single or married.
So, in this season of singleness, let’s faithfully run the race before us. And, as my sister-in-law put it: “One day you’ll look over and see someone running beside you, and you’ll decide to run the race together.” ♥️
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV).
Your future husband isn’t a list, and he will never be perfect. Singleness isn’t a race to find a husband, but a race to draw closer Christ and serve Him while you have the time and freedom. It’s a season to learn about Jesus, about yourself, and to become everything He wants you to be.
I’d love to hear from you!
What are your thoughts on these reminders? Did I leave anything out?
I know these topics are a little tricky, and I don’t have all the solutions to being happily single…or all the advice to perfectly prepare for marriage. But I hope what I’m saying makes sense, and that this post helped you in some way…if only to encourage you to keep running and embrace this beautiful season of your life: with your eyes fixed on Jesus. ❤
Read more about singleness and marriage by digging into these rich passages!