“Anna and Cade are in a relationship.”
“Date night selfie!”
It’s easy to feel left out of the loop when all you scroll past on social media are couple selfies and diamond ring pictures. It’s natural, when entering the wonderful life of adulthood, to long for a significant other of your own….And oh-so-easy for jealousy to bite when all your friends have dates–while the the guy(s) you’re interested in is taken or unobservant.
Sweet friend, it’s true that singleness can be tough if we let it. We’ll battle discouraging questions and doubts like, “What’s wrong with me?” , “Will I ever be good enough for anyone?” , and “Am I not pretty enough? Talented enough? Why doesn’t anybody want me?”. BUT I have good news for you: Being single isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it’s a gift from our loving Father, meant to be enjoyed. It’s a season meant to draw us to Christ and intensify our dependence on and love for Him.
What if I told you there’s a man who loves everything about you, is willing to die for you, and is more famous than any other man in the universe? You probably wouldn’t believe me. But have you ever stopped to realize that there is a man like that? A man who DID died for you, who DOES want you, and you don’t even have to wait for Him to be yours.
Excuse my sounding cliche, but friend, Jesus loves you, and He is the most important person in the universe. His love is above every man combined, and more perfect than any guy or husband’s love will be. God made you to accomplish great things for Him, and He has so much in store for your life. He wants to be your first Love–your Comfort and Strength.
Don’t let Satan draw a question mark where the Father put a period. Don’t let him have victory over this season in your life.
Of course I’m not saying you should give up on hopes of a future marriage, or that you should “date” Jesus (please no. He is your King, and your Husband. Not a flaky boyfriend). But I am saying you and I have every reason to delight in singleness, because the Creator of heaven and earth is inviting us into a sweet, satisfying intimate relationship with Him.
God created us with a desire for marriage (Genesis 2:18), but He never said we’d all get to enjoy that relationship at the same time. Each love story He writes is different, and in due time, He’ll bring the boyfriend or eventual spouse He desires for you. Remember the Scripture in Psalm 139? He knew you before you were born, and Jeremiah 29:11 is a reminder that His plans for us are good and prosperous.
But His plans take time. Which means we have to wait. And waiting is hard. So, how can we embrace the wait?
1) Realize your worth is in Christ, and not your dating status.
So many people allow their worth to be determined by their boyfriend or girlfriend. Having the love of someone special can make us feel like a million bucks. Like we have everything. But is that truth? Is that what God says?
I’m thinking that’s a lie straight from Satan. The enemy’s desire is to deceive and isolate you, making you feel inferior, unloved, and even lousy.
When tempted to let negative feelings overwhelm you, remember to Whom you belong. Jesus loves you, and no date—or lack thereof—could ever change that. After all, He’s the one who created the single season.
(Ephesians 2:10) (Luke 12:6-7)
2) Serve, serve, SERVE.
Relationships are time consuming! Why not use the time you have now to reach out to others? I’ve found serving God by helping others is a great way to keep my mind off of selfish desires (Jesus even commands this selflessness in Mark 12:31).
Shifting the focus from me to Him and them will help you thrive in this season (Colossians 3:23-24).
3) Invest time in yourself.
Wait a second! Didn’t we just say we need to get the focus off ourselves?
Well, yes. 😉 But we also need to realize that who we are spiritually affects how we serve Jesus by caring for others physically.
Invest time in character building. Invest time in the Word. Ask God to show you your weaknesses and show you how to overcome them. Strive to better yourself in Christ, becoming the spouse He wants you to be. (Philippians 3:12-16 & 4:8)
4) Write letters to your future spouse.
My sister-in-law kept a journal of notes and prayers for her future husband and gave it to my brother as a wedding gift. She told me that writing to him all those years made it clear that my brother was the one when she met him.
My brother said the journal was the best gift she could have given him.
When they told me about it, I scurried to Walmart and bought a leather journal to scribble down notes, poems, and prayers. I’ve been doing this since I was 13, and I LOVE it. Writing to my husband drains away so many doubts and helps me focus on the hope of the future.
Any time I feel discouraged or unable to focus, I share feelings with “Mr. Right” and talk about life as it is now, and look forward to what lies ahead. I write prayers for him—for me—and for our future together.
By doing this, I’m reminded that God has His choice set aside just for me. No one can change the story He’s already written for me and my spouse, and that’s one of the most comforting facts I can rely on.
5) Seek God before anything else.
Seasons of singleness can bring about loneliness, if handled improperly. Loneliness then leads to impatience, and we all know where that gets us.
Impatience can cause us to compromise. Do things our way. To chase love outside God’s time-table.
Nothing gained by grabbing it by the throat lasts very long. It’s like trapping and forcing a helpless little bird to stay within your grasp, because you want it. And, as soon as you loosen your grip, it flies away. True love doesn’t grab. It doesn’t seek its own desires. It doesn’t defy God’s ways. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Seek His face—His love—and He will give you the earthly love you need.
Please be patient. Please let Him work as slowly as you need. Let Him write your story. His pen writes beautifully. (Matthew 6:33) (Isaiah 54:5)
So, as torturous and frustrating as waiting is sometimes, remember that God’s plans are worth the wait.